To Read or Not to Read ? Funerals and Memorials

Words for a funeral… sometimes inspiration strikes easily, and sometimes it can feel as though no words are big enough to hold our grief. And yet words can also be a gentle anchor, a way to share memories, offer comfort, or simply pause together in a moment of meaning. So the question often arises: should we include a reading or poem at the funeral?

Sometimes a piece of writing says what our hearts can’t quite find. A poem, a paragraph from a favourite book or film, even a line from a beloved song can speak for the room when voices falter. These words can set a mood - tender, hopeful, a little bit funny or even laugh out loud funny. They create a shared pause where everyone listens and is present in that moment together.

But it’s equally true that not every goodbye needs a formal reading. A room filled with personal tributes and memories can be just as moving. Stories told by friends and family, favourite music played in full, or even a stretch of quiet can express love without a single line of poetry. If the person you’re remembering wasn’t fond of “flowery” words, or if the service is already rich with music and memories, you might decide that a reading simply isn’t needed.

If you do choose words to share, and you don’t know where to start, let their personality guide you. Think about what they loved: a favourite novel, a cherished film, lyrics they hummed while cooking, even a few lines from an old letter. A classic like Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep, or a more modern poem such as The Stars Have Called you Home are also beautiful. But you may opt for something personal - something unmistakably them, which can be just as powerful. Keep in mind that shorter pieces often carry the most impact on such an emotional day.

You might invite a family member or close friend to read aloud, which can be deeply touching, but remember that emotions can catch anyone by surprise. It helps to have a gentle back-up plan, like someone else ready to step in, so no one feels pressured in the moment. As your celebrant I will always offer to be a wing-woman for anyone who may need it.

In the end, to read or not to read isn’t about rules or tradition. It’s about what feels right for the person whose life you’re honouring and for those who gather to say goodbye. Whether through a favourite poem, a snippet of song lyrics, heartfelt stories, or simply quiet remembrance, the most important thing is that the farewell tells their story with honesty and love.